Saturday, March 31, 2007

GOOD MUSIC FOR THAT NICE "AFTERGLOW" PERIOD

Here are some lovely "cosmic music" selections:
• 1492 (Vangelis) - Track 2
• Adagio for Strings (Samuel Barber), followed by Kuru Field of Justice (Philip Glass, from opera Satyagraha)
• Agnus Dei (Samuel Barber, Lorenzo's Oil Soundtrack), followed by "Not to be Forgotten" from Secret Story (Pat Methany).
• An Epitaph to War (James Horner, Glory Soundtrack), followed by Bread and Wine (Peter Gabriel, Passion Soundtrack)
• Direct (Vangelis) - Track 6
• Migration (Peter Kater/Carlos Nakai) - Track 12
• Miserere (Allegri, "The Tallis Scholars"), followed by Air (J.S. Bach, "Bobby McFerrin and Yo-Yo Ma")
• On Heaven as On Earth/Gabrielle's Oboe (The Mission Soundtrack)
• "Host of Seraphim" from The Serpent's Egg (Dead Can Dance), followed by "Boadicea" from Paint the Sky with Stars (Enya)
• The Mirror Pool (Lisa Gerard) - Track 4
• Ur (David Byrne, The Forest), followed by Love Theme from Blade Runner (Vangelis, Themes)
• With this Love (Peter Gabriel, Passion Soundtrack), followed by Calling All Angels (Jane Siberry and K.D. Lang, Until the End of the World)

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Appendix C: Safer Sex Precautions

Coming into contact with active outbreaks of herpes or HPV, or exchanging body fluids with someone currently carrying a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), can impart a risk to you of catching that STD. Although unprotected genital massage is certainly safer than unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse, if you or your partner are potentially contagious you can always insure absolute protection by putting on a pair of latex or nitrile gloves before pleasuring your partner's genital areas. Please note that gloves are ONLY considered necessary when one is massaging skin that is broken or unhealthy due to STD-related inflammation, or when there is a possibility of your hand(s) coming into contact with infectious body fluids; for general massage on healthy skin (with no body fluids involved) they aren't needed.
By the way, although oils do degrade latex, most experts feel that latex gloves (which are thicker than condoms) may safely be used with oils for reasonable periods of time.
Please remember do remember, though, that if you stimulate or penetrate a woman's anus with one of your fingers you must change gloves before putting that same finger into her vagina. Doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

BE HERE NOW

"Hold completely still while your fingers or your hand are still inside her vagina. Don't move - just be there and meditate."
• CRESCENT MOON
"Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your palm around onto her clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her pubic bone. Alternate stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the clitoris, and the external G-Spot/bladder."
• DOORBELL
"Press very firmly on her G-Spot, like ringing a doorbell. Press, release, press...."
• FOUR DIRECTIONS
"With two fingers press firmly up/side/down/side in her vagina, eight times each side."
• GENTLE TOUCH AND TICKLE
"Tickle the clitoris extremely lightly."
• HEALING THRUST
"Some women might need and want good, hard, deep, vigorous thrusting penetration. Be sure to keep her relaxed - don't let her get into a tensed body mode."
• PINCH AND PULL
"Gently pinch and pull on the clitoris."

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Monday, March 26, 2007

OVARIES

"Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries. They can usually be felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the far left or right. Some women will like you to massage this area, others will find it painful. Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual status."
• PROPER INVITE
"Begin with a light, gentle caress that barely touches the inner thighs and pubic hair. Don't go much further until your partner's pelvis begins to arch upwards. Tease and caress until the lips of her vulva invite your fingers inside."
• TRACING
"After applying lubrication, it might be nice to begin with one of the large outer lips. Place the lucky lip between your thumb and forefinger, clasping it at the base where it attaches to the main part of your partner's body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip) from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner's feedback is positive. You can also make an upside down horseshoe pattern with a fingertip by starting at the lower inside part of one lip and finishing at the lower inside part of the other. It could be fun to do this with both inner and outer lips."

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

CERVIX CLOCK

A woman's cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue, and may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Some women may enjoy this and want you to do it more often; others won't."
• FINGERS ON THE HOOD
"Given how the clitoral area is often more sensitive than any single part of the penis, you don't want the rough skin of your fingers rubbing across it. Gently push and pull on the clitoral hood and labia when first touching a woman's genitals. Using the lips as leverage can provide pleasing stimulation without painful friction."
• FROM THE OUTSIDE
"Lay your free hand over the lower part of your partner's abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with the top hand while fingers from your other hand are inside her vagina."
• IMITATIONS
"An excellent way to learn more about pleasing your partner is to rest your fingers over hers while she is masturbating herself. Then do the reverse, with her fingers acting as guides for your own."
• OFF THE EDGE
"Another form of genital massage can be done by holding a lubricated lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the woman's body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above her body, as though you had pulled them off the edge of a tabletop or sheet of paper. If she likes this, repeat it many times."

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PUSH HERE TO START

"Gently insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, when she's ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus. Don't insert it. Instead, press there while you move your fingers."
• TAP DANCING
"Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the mound where her pubic hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her vaginal lips. Rest your thumb on her opposite thigh. Lightly but firmly press your palm onto her mons and begin to move your hand in a tiny circular motion. You palm should not slide too much over her skin during this process. Instead, her skin should move underneath it. Repeat this process until you have done ten circles. You then raise your fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about once a second until you have given her ten taps. Please note that these are light taps, not spanks. They shouldn't hurt. After giving the taps, rest your hand for five to ten seconds. Then repeat the circles, then repeat the taps, then rest again, then repeat the circles..."

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

Selected from SM 101 (2nd. ed.)

• A-ONE AND A-TWO AND A-THREE
"Try inserting your first two fingers into her, then arch your thumb back 'hitch-hiker' style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. You can use a variety of thrusting and twisting motions in this position. You can also vibrate your entire hand."
• CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR
"If your partner has a particular spot that they like to have licked or caressed, try doing so very close to but not quite on that spot - except perhaps occasionally. This trick will make them take longer to reach their orgasm, but they will likely have a much stronger, more powerful orgasm when it finally does happen. As a variant, you can do the 'not quite on target' until they get close to coming, then switch to the target itself, thus earning their gratitude."

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

MILKER

Opposite of the Anvil: hands alternate "milking" up the penis, starting at the base and working all the way up past the tip.
• PERPETUAL PENETRATION
Like the Anvil, but instead of just grabbing the penis at the top let his penis "penetrate" into your fist on each stroke. Before the head of his penis pops out of your hand, bring the other hand up for the next penetration. This way it seems to him like he is penetrating deeper and deeper into an infinite vagina. Make sure you keep the penetration continuous for best results. Try faster or slower to taste.
• RING
Make a ring with your thumb and forefinger and pump up and down with it. When you get to the top close the ring. Then make him squeeze his way in as you slide back down to the bottom.
• SHAFT
Stroke only his shaft, ignoring his head. You will notice his head swelling and turning red. When it's bright red, use Doorknob, Hairy Palm Sunday, or Perpetual Penetration.
• SHUTTLE COCK
Take the penis in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the shaft. In order to visualize the position, imagine yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the penis back and forth between your two hands by holding onto the loose skin of the shaft. Do this stroke for a while to allow tension to build.
• SPOT PINCH
Lightly and slowly run a finger up the underside of his cock. Ask him to tell you where the most sensitive spot is. Pinch it, squeeze it, nibble it, tease it. This is a good spot to pinch (a la Cockupressure) to turn a soft cock rock solid.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

ANVIL STROKE

Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile, bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat. See also: Milker and Perpetual Penetration.
• BOOKENDS
Place both of your hands side by side against his shaft like a pair of bookends. Now push hard against his penis. Then lift your hands up and down. Continue in this manner for a while.
• DOORKNOB
Turn the head of his penis like you're trying to open a doorknob coated with grease. Now try turning the other way. Repeat. This stroke is sometimes improved by using the other hand to stretch the skin of the penis toward the base.
• DOUBLE WHAMMY
Bring both well-lubricated hands down on his shaft. Some cocks are so big they require both hands; if your partner's doesn't, then use the other hand to caress and lightly flutter his balls, or tighten around the base of his shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft then move them together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands: one up, one down at the same time.

Monday, March 19, 2007

• COCKUPRESSURE
With one hand pull the shaft's skin toward the base and wrap the fingers of this hand around the base to act as a living cock ring. Using the other hand, rhythmically pick various points along the shaft of the penis and squeeze opposite sides of the penile shaft at these points, releasing pressure either immediately or after only a brief period of time.
• FIRE
Rub the penis between both palms, as if rubbing two sticks together to create fire. Be sure to use plenty of oil.
• HAIRY PALM SUNDAY
Hold the penis in one hand with the head sticking up. Using the well-oiled palm of your other hand, slowly and sensitively massage the head of the penis. Reverse directions every once in a while.
• HEALING STROKE
With the penis resting on the belly, the hand closest to the feet cups the balls. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis.
• TWIST AND SHOUT
Pull the skin of the penis toward the base with one hand. With the other hand corkscrew the penis. This can be done with the thumb and first finger or with the whole palm.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

Using the "Extra Hand"

Some male genital massage strokes require only one hand. Here are some suggestions for things you can do with the "extra hand":
  • Massage the legs or chest.
  • Tease the nipples or other erogenous zones (note: "connections" can be made between erotic arousal and almost any part of the body, by linking stimulation of the genitals with stimulation of this area).
  • Rub the perineum, possibly with an oiled fist or several fingers. For some men, this may stimulate the prostate gland.
  • Wrap an index finger and thumb around the penis between the balls and the body. Contract slightly to form a living cock ring. Alternatively, this can be done between the balls and the shaft, rather than between the balls and the body.
  • Gently tug on the hairs covering the testicles.
  • Cup or tickle the testicles.

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Getting Massage Supplies

Massage tables and supplies may be purchased through mail-order from Stronglite (1-800-289-5487) and Bodywork Emporium (1-800-822-5348). If your massage table is adjustable, adjust it so that when you stand next to the table with your arms at your sides and fists closed, your knuckles just brush the top of the table.
If your budget is especially tight you could try making your own massage table, possibly with two sawhorses and a big padded board (with an oval hole in the board for the receiving partner's face to rest in while he or she is lying face down).

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Books

• The Complete Book of Massage, by Claire Maxwell-Hudson. There are hundreds of good how-to books on non-sexual ("therapeutic") massage, and this is only one of them. Another great way to augment book learning is to receive quality massage. Seek out a trained, licensed therapist in your area for non-sexual, relaxing, "Swedish" massage.
• ESO: How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm, by Alan P. Brauer and Donna Brauer. This book outlines a general approach for using genital massage to achieve extended orgasmic states.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Simultaneous Pleasuring

Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on a bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other, heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again, for men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation is imminent will allow play to continue.
Learning More about Massage
These educational resources only have to do with massage. You may wish to take a look at our sexuality resource guide for other educational books, videotapes, etc.

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Prostate Stimulation

An advanced technique in male genital massage is to stimulate the man's prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating the penis. This can be done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus, pressing on the dome shape found in the direction of the penis. When stimulating the prostate, you should wear latex gloves, have short fingernails (or else pack cotton balls around your fingernails and then put gloves on), and use lots of lube. Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is that it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to the bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an easier time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context. Please see either The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex or Anal Pleasure and Health for more details. Pressing on the prostate gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close to ejaculation, can feel wonderful. It is also possible for some men to have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate stimulation alone.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Incorporating PC Muscle Contractions

ontractions of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle are associated with increased sexual pleasure for both men and women. This muscle may be identified by noticing what muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when you are urinating (without moving your torso or legs); it's the same one. The PC muscle can be exercised by contracting and releasing it; one approach is to rhythmically contract when inhaling and relax when exhaling.

Generally, the stronger the PC muscle is, the more intense one's orgasms can be. The PC muscle can also be repeatedly contracted and relaxed at various times during sex (such as during G-Spot stimulation, or during male ejaculation) to increase pleasure. Men can use the PC muscle to prevent ejaculation; this is done by holding the breath while either strongly bearing down ("pushing out") or tightly squeezing ("holding in") using the pelvic muscles.

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The "Big Draw"

This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body Electric School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be becoming more and more energetic, building and building. At a certain point (counted down to verbally, so both partners know when it's coming) massage and any other touch ceases, the person on the table takes seven very deep breaths, and while holding the seventh breath clenches every muscle in his or her body and rolls his or her eyes back in his or her head (possibly assuming a tense position with torso and legs a bit off the table, as in a "crunch") for about 10 seconds. He or she then completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the standing person gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body. For maximum effect the music should be quite "cosmic" at this point, and the person performing the massage shouldn't touch the person on the table (who has his or her eyes closed, or who has a blindfold on) for at least five minutes or until the person on the table requests otherwise. This practice can provoke profound emotional release, and often hallucinations. Afterwards, the standing partner opens the cocooned sheets, gently towels off any oil, helps his or her partner to sit up, and then both partners either keep silence or say what is in their heart. It's fun to follow the Big Draw with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It's helpful to use a pre-arranged and timed music tape. Ideally, there should be five seconds of silence immediately following the Big Draw, and possibly during it. Music should have been building to that point, and should resume with something really beautiful after the silence following the Big Draw ("Gabriel's Oboe" from The Mission soundtrack, or "With This Love" from Peter Gabriel's Passion soundtrack, for example).

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Despite what mainstream pornography tends to portray, women don't usually have orgasms from intercourse alone. However, a woman is MUCH more likely to experience orgasm during intercourse if she has had one or more orgasms (especially of the G-Spot variety) before intercourse commences. Popular positions for male-female intercourse include missionary and woman-on-top (which allow face-to-face intimacy) and "doggie style" (which allows the woman to easily rub her clitoris while being penetrated).

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Finishing with Intercourse

Some partners (especially opposite-sex couples) like to finish with intercourse rather than the blanket-wrapping I've described. Since most massage tables are sturdy enough to support two people, near the end of the massage one partner can climb on top the other and they can both fuck themselves to what are often very powerful orgasms. Thus, they can finish locked in each others' embrace (although even without intercourse the standing partner can lean over and embrace the receiving partner's upper body, or else just gently rest his or her hands on the receiving partner).

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

For small gatherings (6-8 people) of participants who all know each other, people can just gravitate towards whatever table and group they want when it's time to start; for larger events or events where there will be a lot of beginners, it's often helpful for the host or hostess to assign people to tables so things stay balanced, nobody's feelings get hurt, and so there aren't any tables composed entirely of novices. It's usually a good idea to put someone in charge of bringing supplies to the event (latex gloves, massage oil in little bottles, lube, towels, etc.), and (when lots of new folks are involved) for the host or hostess to stay at least marginally aware of what is going on so things stay comfortable for everyone.

These events usually work very easily for men-only or women-only groups, and tend to work best for mixed-gender groups when at least rough gender balance is maintained and there are at least a few experienced men and women in attendance.

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Group Massage Gatherings

These can be put on with three or more participants. Participants divide up into groups of three or four, with one massage table per group. Each person in each group gets a certain amount of time on their table, and before massage begins this person tells the other people at his or her table what he or she would like, and what his or her limits are. This can be a lot of fun, and is a great way to practice asking for what you want sexually (a habit which has the power to enhance your pleasure in and of itself). It's good to start and end these by having everyone get in a circle, introduce themselves (if necessary), and "check in" (i.e. say something about where they're at, what they would like to get out of the day, what they liked about the day, etc.). It's also helpful to have little snacks and water for people to eat and drink. Since you may end up giving three or four different people massages during an event like this, it's fairly common for the host and/or hostess to ask everyone to use gloves for all genital massage, and possibly for everyone to wash their hands before the next person gets on the table.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

"Vibrator"

- Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's also fun for a vibrator to be used clitorally at the same time vaginal penetration is being performed. The most versatile vibrators are the standard plug-in models such as the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl. Sex supply shops such as Good Vibrations and Toys in Babeland sell these vibrators, along with various attachments for specific kinds of stimulation.
"Verbal and Non-Verbal Encouragement" - It's helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Sexy complements, eye contact, etc. are also nice additions. Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries: worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.
Cocooning
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

G-Spot

The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra. One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger). Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to "come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular fashion. Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot. Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases. You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls. G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Clitoral

When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.

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Suggested Types of Stimulation

Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation. Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.

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